You’re Moving to Stardew Valley

It’s time to tell you about my Stardew Valley obsession (spoilers to follow).

Yes, that does say 183:56 hours. I’m not proud of it, but that’s what it says. “El Presidente” is from my days running a small island in Tropico as in “El Presidente, your people are hungry. Feed them? Y/N”

It’s this innocuous little game about living on a farm and interacting with a town. It’s built with pixel art, so has an old school feel to it, and while there are suggested quests to get you more engaged in the game, it’s not like Animal Crossing where I felt like I was being constantly bossed around by animal middle managers.

Stardew Pro Tip: when rearranging your farm, don’t put buildings on top of a goat. The building will disappear and never come back and your animals will be pissed at you until you can build them another one. Robin works fast, but she’s not a wizard. (That’s Rasmodius.)

Your health and energy levels are also pretty forgiving, so you don’t have to run around constantly trying to find food. You CAN actually pass out from exhaustion if you stay out past two, but I feel like that’s a fair approximation of my energy levels in life since having children, so I’m good with that.

I have great conflict over killing these guys because they are like the spirited away guys and also make cute squeaky sounds

I did a fair amount of fishing, mining, and grinding through the seasons to get the greenhouse (so I would never be reliant on seasons again, take THAT Mother Nature) which I promptly filled with ancient seeds that then turned into wine and finally into purple iridium wine in the casks, since the other option there is cheese, and purple cheese is weird. My OCD also dictated that I get max hearts with all the villagers, so I spent a fair amount of time giving gifts and doing side quests.

After much deliberation and review of romantic candidates, Sam, Sebastian, and Emily were my front-runners. This is because Shane failed to gift me with a blue chicken so I didn’t feel like he was fully committed to our relationship and also this:

Abigail was up there initially, but I was slightly concerned she would bring home zombie skeletons, which are fine in the mine but scary in my house at night.

It was hard narrowing it down between Sam and Sebastian, and I confess to considering polygamy, but it never would have worked out. I don’t even know what a kickflip is, and doing one seemed to be one of Sam’s major life goals.

Heyyy. Heyyy. Okay, this is awkward.

In the end, Sebastian won out. I, too, have experienced rage that can only be assuaged by the complete and violent destruction of produce.

As a bonus, he’s a programming introvert who just wants to bring me coffee and say nice things, who will never drag me to the Flower Dance and sometimes wanders off for the day after reassuring me that while he needs to stay independent, even though we’re married, that’s just how he is and he still loves me. Swoon.

No, Sebastian. It’s not weird at all. I feel completely the same way. Have another void egg.

All in all, this was a very satisfying game (especially after getting the magical staff that teleports you home from anywhere) and I spent a lot of time obsessing over who liked what berry and how to get to the bottom of the desert mine. A good time was had by all (my kids and better half also played) and now it’s time to move on to the next obsession. I may revisit Stardew to get a mountain obelisk to match my beach obelisk, but am okay with letting the farm go for now at least until we try multiplayer and I can slingshot my husband’s character hello on a regular basis.

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