The Children’s Crusade or the Wandering Poor

The History: Alleluia, Let’s Get Walking

crusadeAround 1212, a large amount of poor country folk joined up to form a mass movement of followers intending to carry out the will of God.

Depending on your source, God’s will was that they A) Bring Christianity to the Heathens Across the Water, B) Follow a Miracle Worker or C) Escort a guy named Steve on his trip to bring the French King a letter from Jesus.

Why This is Awesome

Imagine 30,000 delusional minions marching off to do your bidding. Although The Omen and Village of the Damned reduce their credibility somewhat, no one really suspects children when it comes to acts of pure evil.

True, modern accounts say that the “children” were actually just poor people of all ages (the confusion arose from a mistranslation), but either way, they were pretty gullible. The first group thought the Mediterranean sea would magically part for them and the second followed a 12 year old across France.

How You Can Use This on Your Quest for World Domination

david blaineFirst, you need a miracle worker. I would suggest hiring David Blaine. He is impervious to ice and drowning (crossing the Alps and or the Mediterranean is not a problem) and unafraid of heights.

Then, you just need to have him gather followers. Not hard at all – his Twitter account lists 26,813.

Finally, gather them all together and set them on a holy mission. As you can see from the missions above, provided you have enough miracles to keep them interested, it is not hard to get people to do just about anything.

Have fun, but don’t forget to plan ahead so your mission ends slightly more successfully than the Children’s Crusade – in all accounts, the Crusaders end up dead, enslaved, or broken up and sent home once they reach the northern suburbs of Paris. I wish you luck.

More Information: Wikipedia Children’s Crusade article.

Image credit: Crusade & David Blaine.

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