Steve Jobs’ Secret Plan to Take Over the World

I have a theory about Steve Jobs’ plans.

My theory (which is not based on any facts at all) is that he is faking his health conditions in order to sabotage Apple’s reputation and investors’ confidence.

Once everyone’s feeling good and defeated and has unloaded all their stock, he’s going to announce his new position as a senior executive at Google, and then proceed to take over the world.


It would be like Lord of the Rings, when Saruman teamed up with Sauron and there was no hope for Middle Earth.

And if Yahoo is Gandalf, we’re doomed.

Or, if we’re relying on wizards to bail us out, we’re probably still out of luck, because I don’t think Harry Potter has a lot of corporate experience.

Excellent plan, yes? I wish I’d thought of it. Unfortunately, in order to pull this off, I would have to be Steve Jobs.

Maybe I can jump in Smeagol-style and bite off his finger and steal his heirlooms. The great thing about this world is that no matter what you’re selling, someone on eBay will buy it.

Watch your ass, Steve. I’m on to you.

Image credit: original image of Mordor and original image of apple.

One Comment

  1. Interesting how Steve Jobs is becoming Bill Gates, Jr., as to how he's perceived.

    If I were Steve, I'd do it the other way around and do what they tried to do in The Hudsucker Proxy: purposely lower the stock and confidence, sure, but then start buying up all the stock at the insanely low prices and then make a fortune while getting total control of the company.

    As for Google…if Apple can't take them down alone…Microsoft can't take them down alone…and Yahoo! certainly can't do it.

    But if they all worked together…

    (ALTERNATE SCENARIO: Around late 2011/early 2012, Bill Gates comes out of retirement to head up a different company.)

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