Entries Tagged 'Other World Dominators' ↓

Oh, Rob Cottingham, you card.

At 12:00 today, some of my coworkers and I gathered in the conference room and tuned in to the inauguration video broadcast live on nytimes.com.

We watched Obama’s inauguration speech in silence, and, despite the numerous challenges facing our country and this administration, for the first time in 8 years, I felt hope. I thought to the baby, “You’ve picked a good time to come into the world.”

I hope we are entering a time of positive change for our country and our world. I hope that I will be part of it.

Welcome to the White House, President Obama.

View the speech here:

I have a theory about Steve Jobs’ plans.

My theory (which is not based on any facts at all) is that he is faking his health conditions in order to sabotage Apple’s reputation and investors’ confidence.

Once everyone’s feeling good and defeated and has unloaded all their stock, he’s going to announce his new position as a senior executive at Google, and then proceed to take over the world.

It would be like Lord of the Rings, when Saruman teamed up with Sauron and there was no hope for Middle Earth.

And if Yahoo is Gandalf, we’re doomed.

Or, if we’re relying on wizards to bail us out, we’re probably still out of luck, because I don’t think Harry Potter has a lot of corporate experience.

Excellent plan, yes? I wish I’d thought of it. Unfortunately, in order to pull this off, I would have to be Steve Jobs.

Maybe I can jump in Smeagol-style and bite off his finger and steal his heirlooms. The great thing about this world is that no matter what you’re selling, someone on eBay will buy it.

Watch your ass, Steve. I’m on to you.

Image credit: original image of Mordor and original image of apple.

Emails Aren’t Always True

This post is for anyone who has ever received an email forward containing a cautionary tale with an unknown origin.

Existing Email Scams

These emails may include the following stories:

• Household items contain agents that will kill you
• Truck drivers will run your car off the road
• Cell phones numbers are being given to telemarketers
• Calling #77 on your cell phone will connect you to the police, no matter where you are
• Vague missing person reports

Why Do These Scams Succeed?

I have been taken in by many of these emails, and don’t doubt that there are valid situations where some of these stories may have occurred.

I also often receive these emails from kind-hearted people who are so concerned about warning their friends that they don’t think to validate the story before passing on the message.

Don’t Be Duped, or Dupe Your Friends

Although you may want to warn others as quickly as possible, it’s worth doing a quick search online before you spread the story and worry the people in your life.

You are a trusted source for most of these people, and receiving this email from you makes others more inclined to trust the story.

Scammers are counting on it.

What Can You Do About It?

Please take 30 seconds to check the facts at snopes.com.

You can search for the subject line or keywords related to the email you’ve received. If it’s a popular forward, snopes will tell you:

1. If it’s true
2. Where the story came from
3. Accurate information that may help you.

For example, the #77 email is a myth – not all states use #77, some use other codes, or no code at all. Snopes suggests that to be safe, you should always dial 911.

How Do I Know Snopes is Accurate?

In their FAQ, Snopes explains, that they are not “the ultimate authority on any topic” but that “the research materials [they've] used in the preparation of any particular page are listed in the bibliography displayed at the bottom of that page so that readers who wish to verify the validity of [their] information may check those sources for themselves.”

If, for your peace of mind, you feel that you should send the email warning just in case, please do. But, you should be aware that the story you’re sending may not be gospel truth, and you may want to indicate that information at the start of your forward.

This is a T-shirt.

Heh heh heh.

Threadless.com, you’re so wrong, but I cannot help giggling anyway.

According to her debate responses, these are Sarah Palin’s weaknesses.

I understand. Being a beacon must be pure hell on cruises, what with the other ships steering into you all the time.

To be fair, let me add that I was tempted to write all about my new warm fuzzy feeling towards Joe Biden tonight, but then he and I had a slight disagreement about gay marriage. We’re still on speaking terms, mostly because of his flashy grin, sexy squint and ability to string coherent thoughts together, but he’s on probation.

Instead, I’m going to point you towards an excellent blog, I Heard Tell by Molly Schoemann. Tonight, she’s watching the VP debate on the big screen, and has promised to report.

I wait with bated breath to hear Molly’s unbiased (I call it this because I agree with her) view of the debate. Personally, I need a cupcake before I can watch any more of this. Sarah Palin’s idea of logic makes me crave comfort foods.

I used to ask people what they’d do if it was the end of the world.

The popular answer to this scenario was: “I’d spend the time with loved ones, somewhere naturally beautiful and calming, like the beach.”

In retrospect, that’s absurd. If it’s the end of the world, there’s a good chance that A) war broke out and it’s not safe to be outdoors, either from fallout, biological weapon residue or angry people with guns or B) Nature finally reacted to our ceaseless pollution and is going to kill us. If natural beauty is going to kill me (see: tsunami), I don’t want to hang out with it.

I would like to be with my loved ones, though. Unless, they too were attempting to kill me. (see: homicide).

But, if I couldn’t be with my loved ones, I’d pick McCain’s new running mate Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.

Why Sarah Palin?

Well, for one thing, she wants to drill in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge. I think the actual drilling is a pretty stupid idea, but this proves Gov. Palin at least has access to heavy machinery. Did you see Armageddon? Yeah, one of those drills. We could build an underground fort, thus lengthening our survival by at least 3 days, the maximum time that the human body can survive without water.

Another thing: Gov. Palin is a member of the National Rifle Association. Not only does she fish and hunt (more food for me), but unless she’s a total poser of an NRA member or she hunts with a boomerang, she can shoot a gun. Not that I necessarily support violence, but hey, it’s the end of the world and baby needs lunch.

Finally, if you’re attacked by other survivors who are trying to steal your fort, or your freshly-hunted food supply assuming you have one, it’s good to have basketball point guard “Sarah Barracuda” on your side. In case you aren’t familiar with what a barracuda looks like, here’s a reminder:

I rest my case.

Click here for more terrifying facts about Sarah Palin, potential VP.

Click here to read how Palin balances McCain and here to read about another woman’s perspective on Palin.

Image Credit: barracuda and Armageddon.