“Mr. DeMartino - Daria, can you concisely and unemotionally sum up for us the Doctrine of Manifest Destiny.
Daria - Manifest Destiny was a popular slogan in the 1840s. It was used by people who claimed it was God’s will for the U.S. to expand all the way to the Pacific Ocean. These people did not include many Mexicans.”
Oh, Daria, I wish you were my friend.
I remember learning about Manifest Destiny in school. Our history books were somewhat selective - for example, in the course of the Miseducation of Leanne Heller, the 50s-70s were a peaceful time, when everyone got along. Before that, we had the feudal system, which everyone liked, especially the serfs.
So, you can imagine how Manifest Destiny was described, embraced, and applauded.
I don’t have a problem with world conquering. (Obviously.) But I don’t understand the need to refer to your actions as Divine Mandates.
One reason might be to sway the masses to do your bidding and like it. Silly, I know. I can’t possibly think of a country where the strict religious beliefs of one political party has prevented voters from reasonably and fairly assessing the competency of its candidates.
Anyway, there’s a fantastic book about this called Rebels of the Heavenly Kingdom. Essentially, it’s the story of animal farm, but with people, and on a slightly larger land mass (i.e. China):
Summary: A rebel group is determined to overthrow the corrupt government, their leaders get used to power & become corrupt themselves, and they proceed to use religion and false divinity to control their population.
Aside from this reason, I can’t see claiming it was my God-inspired destiny to do anything in particular. I believe in the possibility of spirits and prophets. It’s when the other kind of profits get involved that I start to question things.
Using God to justify plundering the wealth of others is uncalled for. If you’re jerk enough to take it, and you have the power to just take it, you should be big enough to say, “Hey, I’m a jerk, and I think I’ll take that.” Sure, you won’t be very popular with the conquered and the righteous, but who is? Plus you’ll have a lot of stuff.
Probably a lot of SHINY stuff.
Anyway, prove me wrong. Have you ever felt divinely inspired to do something? If so, what’s your crusade? How will you handle it if your crusade clashes with another person’s jihad?
And to end it with a conquering spirit, Rock On, Viking Kittens:
In her September 8, 2008 article, “Drill, Drill, Drill,” Eve Ensler expressed her concerns about Sarah Palin’s political beliefs.
I am re-posting the article for 3 reasons.
If you have not yet made up your mind, I hope this will encourage you to think about how electing McCain and Palin will affect your life.
If you have made up your mind to vote for McCain and Palin, please read the article to confirm that her beliefs are your beliefs and that, whenever possible, her decisions would be your decisions.
If you have made up your mind to vote for another party, please continue to voice your reasons why. Be fearless but conscious of others’ opinions, passionate but level-headed, and firm in your beliefs but willing to listen.
Enough of my motivations and wishes.
Here is Drill, Drill, Drill by Eve Ensler
American playwright, performer, feminist and activist.
“I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it’s their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.
I don’t like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.
But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story — connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.
I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.
Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God’s plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin’s view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, “It was a task from God.”
Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist’s baby or not.
She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.
Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.
Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.
Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God’s name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.
I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.
If the Polar Bears don’t move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, “Drill Drill Drill.” I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.
Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?”
Thank you for your time. Please keep reading - there is so much available to you - and please keep thinking, instead of just accepting.
The CIA offers training in 16 different languages. And they give you “monetary incentives” if you learn them. Wow, pay me to learn a language! Paying for it myself only got me to the subjunctive tense in Spanish and to the point where the French don’t want to kill me when I visit their fair city. Just barely.
It’s Classified
Aliens. UFOs. The real reasons behind the wars. Apocalyptic messages in the Bible. Codes. The minds behind political assassinations.
Seriously, who doesn’t want to know this stuff?
The Salaries
Based on a brief glance through the open positions, the average salary with the CIA seems to be $50,000 to $100,000 a year. So, I know you make more as a hedge fund manager or a consultant. But seriously, as a sign language interpreter?
Here are the keywords that got my attention in this job description:
“Clandestine”
“weapons of mass destruction”
“elite corps”
“national security”
“narcotics”
I want to be part of an elite corps of clandestine spies who traffic in weapons of mass destruction and narcotics with detailed knowledge of national security.
Oh wait, maybe I just want to be in the mafia.
Shooting is a Skill, Not a Crime
So, I didn’t see much about weapons training on the website. This is a shame.
I did find a lovely article about the Iraq War and Biological Weapons (here) and an interesting article about Vietnam (here), which you may read at your leisure.
I Can Use My Major and You Can, Too
Look! Look! They have graphic design/illustration. So, it’s not fine art, but hey, it’s something. Check out yours here.
Apply Now
You can apply to work for the CIA on their website. It can take 2 months to 1 year +, and it involves a background investigation, polygraph, a mental & physical exam, and a test to measure your potential to be coerced.
Although this does not sound like fun (especially the coercion test, which to me reads “TORTURE”), most of these skills are handy if you’re actively pursuing world domination, so I suggest you start now.
I have to take a moment here and do a tribute post. Don’t worry, it won’t be boring, it won’t consist solely of links, and there is a definite reason that you should do what it says.
Recently, someone sent me a link to howmuchisyoursoulworth.com. We were discussing online quizzes, and he brought this up as an example. He had originally found it on JohnChow.com, and John Chow, I have to hand it to you - thanks for posting about this. And, thanks to the co-worker, who directed me to it.
I love this quiz. I want to seek out the writer behind it, and hire them as a copywriter for my World Domination propaganda pamphlets. And all my World Domination marketing campaign landing pages. You go, Satanically-inspired writers of the world, get your freak on.
I’ll tell you one thing. I set that #($*#) line on fire. And, I wish I could apply that to lines in traffic, too.
In conclusion, I have no idea what a soul dollar is, but I suddenly have a burning desire to know the soul dollar worth of everyone I know.
Take the quiz! Post your worth! Force your friends to doubt (or be impressed by) their self-worth by making them take this, solely for my amusement. It’s fun, and it’s what a good friend would do.
Last Saturday, my friend Kate asked me if I was CDO. That is, OCD, but alphabetized.
I certainly am. If you know me, you know what I mean.
If you don’t, here’s a hint: this is a picture of my bookshelf. It is alphabetized by author. If I have multiple books by one author, they are further alphabetized by title, the exception being a series, which is (of course) in numerical order.
Now, this particular bit of obsessiveness comes from my time working at the library. It’s a great system - I love being able to go into almost any library and to immediately know which section a book will be in. If I really thought about it, I would probably be tempted to label & sort my books by the same system. And don’t even go there, Library of Congress classification trumps Dewey Decimal anytime.
There’s a certain beauty to order. And, I know I’m a lot less stressed when things are in place in my life. Sure, sometimes I induce madness in those around me, because of my insistence on procedure & ironing out all the details ahead of time. But, I firmly believe that you should have a plan, even if you end up deviating from it. (Please note that is part of the plan, under the heading “Contingencies” in Section 3B.)
From experience, a project will go more smoothly if everyone is informed & on schedule. And how will they know they’re on schedule if there is no schedule? Even if it means more initial legwork, it saves time and (I think more importantly) frustration in the end. Additionally, your project has a greater chance of actually succeeding, which will help keep your team from becoming demoralized and acting jaded when the next project rolls around.
That being said, organization should be balanced with innovation and creativity. It’s easy to get so caught up in the minutiae that you forget the larger goals. If you know you lean towards one end of the spectrum, work on developing balance. A great way to do this is place yourself in situations where you need to work together with someone who is on the opposite end of your spectrum. This can be hard to do, but communicating clearly and often is a good way to stay on track.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go alphabetize my spice rack. (The balance comes later, when I toss spices into things at random as I cook.)
I like to sit in our balcony garden, because it’s good exercise and you meet nice people.
Let me explain. One of my massage therapist instructors once told me a story about her mother needing an oxygen machine for a brief period of time. After the time was up, her mother held on to it, because she’d discovered the wonderful fact that - if she took frequent hits of O2 - she no longer needed to exercise to stay in shape.
I forget why this works, and I don’t recommend it (although I’d certainly try it), but I hope you can see what I’m getting at: Lots of Plants = Lots of Oxygen = so long, elliptical machine, don’t forget to write.
Anyway, while I was engaging in my morning calisthenics (sipping iced tea and rereading A Prayer for Owen Meany), I had some visitors. They were the best kind - they didn’t require small talk and they made themselves right at home, but not so much at home that they ate any of my candy. I’m actually fueled by a combination of solar power and candy, which is why I have dark hair (built in solar panel) and don’t like to share my sugar supply (GTFO). These visitors were also great because although I’m on the third floor, I didn’t have to let them in - most of them just flew themselves up.
No, all that oxygen isn’t getting to me. Nor was I visited by aliens, angels, or pilots with excruciatingly exact landing skills. (Our balcony is a good size, but as a landing field, it leaves much to be desired.)
My first visitor was a ladybug. You remember, we’ve talked about ladybugs. They are cute little aphid-eating destroyers, and I recommend them as mercenaries. It was delightful to see one. If those pestilential aphids ever come back, they’re lunch meat. She’s free to invite her friends as well, but hopefully they won’t all move in, as ladybugs like to winter indoors.
Second, a pair of dragonflies dropped by. One was a beautiful flaming red, and I regret that I didn’t get a picture of it. Dragonflies are fast. The other was green, and didn’t stick around very long either (see blurry photo to the left.)
I suggest using dragonflies like they do in the Golden Compass series - namely, as steeds for your army of (very) small independent assassins - it worked pretty well in the books, and they’ve got to be cheaper to maintain than horses or SUVs.
Finally, my cats decided to sack out in the sunshine. No one can relax like a cat. I’m beginning to suspect that mine don’t even have bones.
Now that I’ve worked out (boy, am I beat), I think I’ll go get some work done (i.e. see how close to my cats’ relaxation poses I can get without spraining anything). Hope that you all enjoy the rest of your Sunday, and please feel free to drop by if you have wings, your own candy, and/or an appetite for garden pests.
Barring that, shoot me an email or post a comment letting me know what you’re doing with your weekend, or how I’ve totally wrecked your motivation to work out and replaced it with a compulsion to garden.
I’m a little late on this internet phenomenon, but I just saw this video today, and it’s fantastic.
Here is the story as I heard it:
Basically, this guy had a goofy dance that people made fun of. Instead of hiding in under a rock for the rest of his life, he took his dance on the road. Matt Harding, originally from Connecticut, has visited a whole slew of countries, taped himself doing the dance in each country, and put together this video:
Think about all of the new experiences that must have come with making this video. Think of traveling to all those places and gathering up all those random people and getting them excited about your silly dance. Imagine standing in completely new surroundings, completely comfortable. I am amazed at this person’s creative response.
Similarly, tonight’s 2008 Summer Olympics opening ceremonies are currently blowing my mind. The creativity in choreographing all of this is astounding. Yes, it’s extravagant, and yes, there are political problems under that sparkly (on fire!) surface. But celebration is also important, and as celebrations go, this is pretty over-the-top fantastic.
The sheer number of bodies working together in some of these performances is daunting. The timing on the drum number was stunning, and the use of the entire stadium as a canvas makes an incredible impression. Ooh, Tai-chi.
Well, they’ve done it. I’m invested in the Summer Olympics. I want to watch more than the gymnastic floor routines (my usual level of involvement). Sing, adorable, flag-carrying children! Sing! Grow up to be incredibly coordinated dancers like those people in those boxes over there! And don’t stand near that fire, please, your outfits look flammable.
Seth Godin’s semi-recent post “Complicit” argues that we perpetuate poor quality by choosing crap vendors out of convenience or the desire to pay less. He also calls us to account for not using social media to constructively (not just complaining) to spread the word. This is a good reminder that social media finally gives the consumer the power to make businesses change.
But, there are many posts on how social media works for the consumer before, so although power is a fun thing to write about, I’m not going to rehash the details. If you’re not familiar with this idea, just google “social media gives consumers power” to find related articles.
Instead, I find I’m inspired to use today’s blog space to write about three services that I do like, since social media is also effective for promoting the good stuff, as well as dressing down the bad.
1. I like apple stores. I’ve found the staff to be knowledgeable, friendly, and efficient. You can check out anywhere in the store and have your receipt printed or emailed to you. The moment you walk in, someone asks what you want, and figures out the fastest way to get it to you.
If you want to buy something, you are put in a queue electronically, and then you’re free to browse (and pick up more neat, expensive toys) until the associate is free and then they find you.
If you have a question, it’s answered. If you need tech support, you can make an appointment and get help right in the store, not over some crackly phone line overseas. It’s a bloody miracle and a great retail model, and it’s gone a long way towards convincing me that I want to do business with them in the future.
2. I like Market Basket. This is a relatively new flirtation, and yes, I like it largely because it’s cheap, but you don’t sacrifice much because of this. Sure, the store’s not as bright & shiny, and the carts can lead to mayhem and traffic jams, but the staff is friendly, they bag your groceries correctly (the eggs are wrapped separately, cold goes with cold, and nothing gets crushed) and their selection is great, at least for my needs.
3. I like Netflix. I am watching a movie from Netflix right now. I don’t like going to the movies because I have a low tolerance for noisy theaters and also, around here they’re $10 a pop. I like the convenience of ordering & tracking online, I like having a queue so I can pick movies when I’m in the mood, and I like that there’s only ever been one movie I haven’t been able to find.
Now it’s time to watch the rest of this movie with pre-Newsies Christian Bale (Empire of the Sun). I liked Newsies better, because I saw first saw it at a young & impressionable age, and almost the entire cast consisted of boys who could ride ponies, sing songs, and beat each other up. But I’ll give this a try as well.
What businesses do you like? Why? Have you ever used social media to promote a business or to warn other consumers?
I love my job, but the day before it’s time to return, I start fantasizing about becoming a multimillionaire.
I know, I know, it’s a cheap trick. The lottery is not going to happen, I’m not going to discover a previously latent miraculous Texas Hold ‘em gene, and my biological family is not going to reappear with a tiara and a briefcase stuffed with the deeds to a Korean Empire, which I’m due to inherit pending a blood test and an intensive session with Rosetta Stone.
It would just be so great to never have to think about money again. House? Sure. Private jet? Okay. Person to FLY the private jet? Yes, we have that, too.
But here’s the thing. I don’t think that people with evil empires ever stop thinking about money. You always have to buy something. Troops to put down rebellions, masons to fix your fortress walls, weapons of mass destruction. These things are expensive. And you can’t always rely on taxes, they just generate more rebellions and a higher military payroll.
So, how to do you fund your world domination? Do you have to fund raise or seek out private investors? Perish the thought. Should you sell goods and impose a high tariff? No! That will only lead to strip malls & smugglers. Smugglers can be useful, but what are you going to do with a strip mall?
Here’s my solution: if you have a talent, sell it! This is called “employment”. Or, if you’re extra-talented, you can work from home, charge more per hour, and call it “consulting”. That way, you can fund your empire faster. And here’s the best personal finance advice that I have ever heard - I hear it frequently, actually, from my husband, because it’s something he feels strongly about.
If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. Use your credit to build it, but don’t spend what you can’t cover. Borrow if you have to pay for life, but be responsible and reasonable about your spending. Save your shekels, or invest them wisely. Suze Orman I’m not, but the lady has a point.
The only other good personal finance alternative I can think of is a life of crime. This pays even better than consulting, but slush funds are so hard to hide, and if you don’t have a good getaway driver, you can just forget it.
In conclusion, the best possible career path to fund your world domination is to become a consultant on how to live a life of crime (like if Suze Orman had a mafia persona), and then invest your proceeds far, far away from all of your students.
I just experienced a week of no blogging, with a near-total break from internet and my regular forms of online communication. And, while the time off was relaxing and replenishing in many ways, I’ve discovered that I’ve got to blog. This started as a hobby but has become an outlet, without which I feel voiceless and pretty cranky.
I started this blog because of my growing interest in social media and online networking. Also, blogs are great. You can write about any topic that you know something about - you can even plot to take over the world. (I know, you’re thinking, ‘What sick, twisted individual would ever attempt that,’ but I’VE SEEN IT DONE.)
Anyway, now that I’ve moved through the 6 stages of grief (well, denial and crankiness, it’s been awhile since AP Psych), I’ve compiled a list of 10 Signs that You’re a Die-Hard Social Media User. There are really only 8, I never made it to any of the AP Maths.
You sign in to Twitter and see that someone is engaging in a pickle relish war. Instead of wondering why the heck she is writing about this (possibly still all relished-up), you think it is fantastic and immediately @ them, asking for the outcome.
A friend from college leaves you a voice mail, and you respond with a Facebook wall post.
Logging into your Google Reader is like fresh air after being squashed in a closet for 4 hours, under an old wedding dress and a pile of sheets. (Anyone who successfully played hide-and-go-seek as a child understands this comparison.)
You start to break down your work emails into short, accessible paragraphs using the word “you” whenever possible to engage the reader. You eliminate every unnecessary phrase, and become impatient with the word “however.”
You track your followers, site views, RSS subscribers, connections, friends, fans, etc. for more than one site. (ex. Facebook, Plurk, LinkedIn) If there is a god, and he or she is kind to you, you will only do this briefly.
You’ve gained confidence in your writing ability. (Although if you’re a good writer/blogger, you keep checking out other people’s blogs to learn more.)
You network, register your social identity or your blog on multiple sites, and never hesitate to comment when you can contribute something useful.
You come back from vacation, and find yourself sitting on your balcony with your tomato plants, writing a blog post before you’ve unpacked.
Speaking of which, I’ve got to go unpack. Glad to be back, and please do remember to surrender all conquered villages and towns to your local Leanne Heller Center for Evil Blogs and Aspiring World-Conquerors.
You can tell it’s one of mine because it says USPS on the front of it. What, you say? That’s the post office. That’s right. That’s just what we WANT you to think.
