Maintenance Cat

I feel bad for our cats.

Sam and Horace used to be moderately pampered. They ruled the roost, were no strangers to tuna, and they went to bed in our room ever night after much petting and purring.

These days, our cats seem to be less companions and more obstacles to climb over when rushing to get the baby his bottle. They are forced to jump over a baby gate every time they wish to access their food. Arguably, this is good exercise, but I mean, what would you do if you had to scale a wall 3 times your height whenever you were hungry? You’d probably track down the wall-builder, cut him into lots of little cubes and then eat him instead.

But, the cat’s downgrade in social status truly became clear to me this morning when I was cleaning their litter box.

Not only do they have yucky Costco litter (we’re replacing that, it’s like peeing on giant blue fish tank rocks), but I noticed that the bag of food we have for them is called “Maintenance Cat.” Oh, we don’t feed our cats. We MAINTAIN them.

How did our poor treasured pets become just another thing on our to do list? Change the oil in the car, vacuum the rug, maintain the cat. And while I readily admit that purchasing this brand of cat food is not the most compassionate consumer behavior, who names their brand that? Just think. Instead of “Hungry Man” dinners or “Lean Cuisine” it would be “People Sustenance” and “Repair Your Fatties.”

It would be very interesting if suddenly, in the age of blogs, review sites and honest communication about products in public forums, marketing lost its spin. I challenge you to review the products in your home and label them exactly what they do for you and why you bought them. If you’re feeling particularly witty, post your marketing campaign here, and entertain us all.

One thought on “Maintenance Cat”

  1. - Red Can With Tasty Liquid In It (or its competitor, Blue Can With Tasty Liquid In It)

    – Vehicle That Compensates For Something (replaced by Vehicle That Has Gotten Over It)

    – Place To Have Pointless Anonymous Arguments With Pointless Anonymous People

    – Thing On Desk That Makes Your Job Harder But Justifies The IT Budget

    – Blanket With Sleeves That Pretty Much Means We’ve Given Up On Body Image

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