Good Morning, Raccoon Eyes
I stabbed myself in the eye with a mascara wand today.
This is not the first time this has happened.
No, I’m not a closet alcoholic, and I don’t have coordination problems, at least not with my fine motor-skills. (I can thread a needle in seconds, but do tend to walk into walls.)
I am near-sighted. The above image is an approximation of what I see when I look in the mirror each morning.
Story time
When I was 5, my parents discovered I was near-sighted on a trip to the zoo. It went something like this:
“Look at the squirrel, Leanne!”
Clearly we were not at a zoo with much of a budget.
“What squirrel?”
“The squirrel! It’s right there on the fence? Don’t you see it sitting there on the fence?”
“Uh….Fence?”
The Fun Perks to Near-Sightedness
The good thing is, when you’ve been wearing glasses for most of your life, you don’t really mind them. Sure, it would be nice to be able to read text farther than an inch away from my face. Also, roller coasters are a lot more entertaining when you can see the drops, not just feel them.
And let’s not get into how fun swim team was. (Okay, my team is on the LEFT side when I get out of the pool. The LEFT side. The people on the right are the OTHER team. Stupid teams with the same color bathing suits.)
But for the most part, I don’t mind being nearsighted. The only time it really sucks is at times like this morning, when I went to lean in to apply my mascara and misjudged the distance.
Free Life Lesson
Be grateful for your eyesight, folks. Whatever other troubles you have, at least you can see the #$*#)*@ squirrel.
Image credit: squirrel
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7 comments ↓
Much as I would like to have better eyesight, I am actually glad to wear glasses. I have avoided countless eye injuries thanks to them.
In any case, because I have hypersensitive eyes, it would be way too impossible to wear contacts (I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes open to put them in).
As for laser eye surgery (which, contrary to popular belief is not necessarily a permanent fix), I am personally waiting thirty to forty years to see if the people who got laser eye surgery when I was young haven't gone blind before even considering it.
Laser surgery has always been an interesting option. I've considered it, but have acquaintances who have had post-surgery eye sight problems. (They can't see at night, they still have to wear glasses part of the time, etc). In other cases, it does seem to be successful, but I'm reluctant to take the risk, since (while they may not be the most convenient) glasses are working for me.
I have had pretty bad eyesight since the age of nine, and it was not until highschool that I was able to wear contacts– at which point I realized that I didn't have a clear idea of what my face looked like without glasses, because it was fuzzy in the mirror without them. Because i have since realized that I had terrible taste in glasses when I wore them constantly (pink & purple plastic frames, anyone?), to this day whenever I wear them, even if they are arguably cute glasses, I feel like an ugly duckling.
Poor ducklings always get shafted. They are actually kind of cute. And I'm sure they would be even cuter with pink and purple glasses. I am sure you look fine. In fact, the next time you wear them, just smack anyone who seems like they're thinking negative things about how you look in them. Then, you'll feel much better. And, all that smacking will give you a nice, energized glow, and you'll look even better.
I think kids generally do not have good taste in glasses. Plus, when I was growing up, huge ugly frames way too big for one's face were the style, and I wore those until I finally came to my senses around sometime in high school.
You are hysterical! Thanks for the good laugh, I needed it! Also thanks for the picture. I just had cataract surgery last May and the doctor made my eye a “little” nearsighted so Iw could use it to read (leaving the tight eye “normal”). I was afraid I was having corneal edema because of the way I see but it looks like the picture you put up so I guess it is the nearsightedness.
Thanks, Gary – it’s always great to hear from another one of us “visually challenged!” Hope you are happily recovered from your cataract surgery and that your blurry vision is just the nearsightedness kicking in – it’s tough to get used to, but count your blessings – at least you don’t have to worry about applying mascara!
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