Step One: Buy onions in bulk at Costco
Step Two: Use most of the onions, but leave a couple in their orange mesh bag.
Step Three: Store these onions on top of your dryer, in the back of your washer/dryer closet.
Step Four: Forget about their existence for months.
Step Five: Clear off the dryer and discover your onions. Surprise!
Step Six: Fruitlessly look up planting onions only to find you can’t plant them fully grown, even if they’re rooted.
Step Seven: Post pictures on your blog, in the hopes that your folly will bring entertainment to the lives of others.
Step Eight: Warn people to clean out their closets more than once a year. Another month or two and these onions might have morphed into sentient beings, used their roots as appendages, and held our clean laundry hostage until we did their bidding. And who knows what an onion might want?
Actually, that would be kind of interesting to find out. Maybe I’ll put one of them back…
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Wait, you can't plant onions once they sprout? Nooooo! That's so sad! We had a sweet potato that cheerfully grew leaves after forgot about it and left it in a sunny corner of the kitchen, and I planted it and it turned into a cute little plant…until its leaves got Black Dot and it died. I'm such a downer.
If it was summer and I had my usual bag of dirt out on the balcony I would just have dumped it in a pot anyway, but since it's cold outside, and I don't want another houseplant, I buried it in the garbage.
Black Dot? That sounds like fun. My houseplants have aphids right now. I cleaned them all off once, but a couple survived. I'm waiting until they reach a higher population level so I can more thoroughly enjoy wiping them off the planet using soap, the ultimate weapon of mass-aphid destruction.
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