I used to ask people what they’d do if it was the end of the world.
The popular answer to this scenario was: “I’d spend the time with loved ones, somewhere naturally beautiful and calming, like the beach.”
In retrospect, that’s absurd. If it’s the end of the world, there’s a good chance that A) war broke out and it’s not safe to be outdoors, either from fallout, biological weapon residue or angry people with guns or B) Nature finally reacted to our ceaseless pollution and is going to kill us. If natural beauty is going to kill me (see: tsunami), I don’t want to hang out with it.
I would like to be with my loved ones, though. Unless, they too were attempting to kill me. (see: homicide).
But, if I couldn’t be with my loved ones, I’d pick McCain’s new running mate Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.
Why Sarah Palin?
Well, for one thing, she wants to drill in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge. I think the actual drilling is a pretty stupid idea, but this proves Gov. Palin at least has access to heavy machinery. Did you see Armageddon? Yeah, one of those drills. We could build an underground fort, thus lengthening our survival by at least 3 days, the maximum time that the human body can survive without water.
Another thing: Gov. Palin is a member of the National Rifle Association. Not only does she fish and hunt (more food for me), but unless she’s a total poser of an NRA member or she hunts with a boomerang, she can shoot a gun. Not that I necessarily support violence, but hey, it’s the end of the world and baby needs lunch.
Finally, if you’re attacked by other survivors who are trying to steal your fort, or your freshly-hunted food supply assuming you have one, it’s good to have basketball point guard “Sarah Barracuda” on your side. In case you aren’t familiar with what a barracuda looks like, here’s a reminder:
I rest my case.
Click here for more terrifying facts about Sarah Palin, potential VP.
Click here to read how Palin balances McCain and here to read about another woman’s perspective on Palin.
Image Credit: barracuda and Armageddon.
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3 comments ↓
Pshaw! If it’s the end of the world, why waste the last moments of your life sniffling and struggling in an attempt to live for another miserable day; that’s what I was doing when the world wasn’t ended.
Instead, I’d go out, screw WW-whatever, party, loot, i don’t know, just go crazy. Most likely, I’d just be one of they guys you mentioned running around shooting guns
I find it amazing that my main sources of news are now The Daily Show, Colbert Report, and Guide to World Domination….I’m out of the loop and am an irresponsible American seeing as it took reading your blog to find out who the prospective Republican VP nominee is.
C: My pal Sarah Barracuda will take you down!
D: Don’t worry, this way you’ll get a completely unbiased version of current events. Seriously, I’m honored to be included in your news loop. :-P You are more than welcome in my End-of-the-World fort.
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