My Dream Job & its Perks

Yesterday, Jon got really upset with a family of chipmunks, so he beat the hell out of them with his 5 Iron.

Kidding, kidding - we were just playing golf.

Which brings us to my Dream Job, and why it should be yours.

On a driving range there’s a vehicle that drives over the course, scoops up golf balls from the field, and carts them back to be cleaned, put lovingly into buckets (don’t burst this bubble, guys, my mental stability may depend on it) and reused.

Then, this wonderful process begins all over again. It’s like the water cycle, but better, because you can remember all the parts.

My favorite part is not when you thwack the ball with your club, and it goes flying in a satisfying (or not) manner. It is when the vehicle rolls by. So, I know it’s huge, and unwieldy looking, and as an armored car, it leaves much to be desired.

But it’s just awesome. You get to drive around and essentially have small white balls of shrapnel speeding towards your head at many miles an hour. And you don’t get hurt.

It’s like being superman.

Seriously, if you’re going to dominate the world, you should look into invincibility and invulnerability. It’s important. And what better way than to encase yourself in a metal cage of movable body armor?

Think about it. You get to tool around on a pretty landscape (it has to be pretty, or the clients get antsy), eat great snacks from the inevitable ice cream stand nearby and if you strayed off the field? Think of all the interesting things you could pick up with your scooper/sucker thing. It’s better than a tank (although I’d suggest building on a more advanced form of offensive weaponry, like a built-on trebuchet for angry, venomous snakes.).

Even if you can’t go faster than a speeding bullet or leap tall buildings in a single bound, you’re pretty unstoppable. And, if you’re a family of chipmunks, your life just got a whole lot easier.